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Titanium Thinking Article - 6.10.08

Confidently meeting people

For those of you who attended the Team Titanium Seminar in September, you would have had the chance to practice the skills of introducing yourself to someone, starting a conversation, joining a conversation and leaving one. The following tips have come from questions raised from people after practicing their new skills.

Contents:

1. When I first meet people at an event, I’m still struggling with my initial questions to them, what should I ask?

2. I can’t seem to use F.O.R.M very well, please can you give me some tips?

3. When I meet someone or join a group conversation, I just take over and talk too much, how can I stop doing this?

4. I was part of a group with one person hogging all of the conversation and I couldn’t find out about the other people, what should I do in this situation?

5. Conclusion

1. When I first meet people at an event, I’m still struggling with my initial questions to them, what should I ask?

I often find myself at events where I don’t know anyone and it seems as if everyone already knows each other. Now I know deep down that’s not true; in fact as I look around I see many people just like me standing there not talking. Now before I allow my mind to make up another excuse as to why I’m not going to approach them or one of the groups, I take a deep breath and start moving towards them.

One of the best questions I ask is “what brought you here today?” or “How do you know the host?” If you feel brave and want to have fun, go up to someone and say “I was just thinking, what kind of a question could I use to introduce myself to people here, any ideas?” Sometimes admitting that you are nervous helps to get rid of the nerves. I’ve used it countless times when I’m speaking in public and many of my clients swear by this technique in interview situations.

Other opening questions can include:

Do you live in this area? Or, did you travel far to get here?

Did you notice that excellent painting or sculpture over there?

I really enjoyed that last speaker how about you?

What do you think on the points made on the importance of ... (goal setting, for instance)?

One for the ladies: Oh I just love your shoes / handbag... is it from....?

Quick tip: When asking this question, don’t follow up by saying where did you get it from? Some ladies are very reluctant to pass on this information. A nightmare for many women is turning up to an event and someone is dressed or accessorised just like them. Some women reduce this risk personally by not passing on this information.

If you do want to find out where it’s from here’s a good way to do it. When you ask “is it from” think of the most expensive or exclusive shop you can think of. This is your safest bet; if you get it right it will be flattering and they will feel good about their purchase, if you get it wrong and it’s from a shop that is not as expensive or exclusive they will still feel flattered that you thought they shopped there.

It’s a win win situation. For those reading in England or Ireland, if the most expensive shop you can think of is Primark or Penneys then it’s best not to ask them where they purchased the item from (just joking).

Guys, if you insist on using this one be tactful, say you want to surprise your wife or girlfriend.

2. I can’t seem to use F.O.R.M very well, please can you give me some tips?

Using F.O.R.M can be a bit tricky, but with practice comes increased skills.

F.O.R.M stands for Family, Occupation, Recreation and Motivation or Message. Most people struggle with the M. This happens when you are entering a conversation with the sole intention of selling or promoting a product or service to somebody regardless of whether they need it or not.

The purpose of using F.O.R.M is to make meeting people you don’t know easy. It helps you to create rapport with someone and find out enough about them to see if you want to develop a business or personal relationship with them. It helps you to identify whether or not you actually have a product or service that will solve a problem that they have.

When I say problem, I don’t necessarily mean something bad. Last year I purchased a drill. My problem was not that I didn’t have a drill; the problem was that I needed a hole in the wall and I didn’t have a tool that would make a precise hole for me. It wasn’t a bad problem, just a small challenge.

You don’t have to use F.O.R.M in this order. You could start by talking about their occupation (O). It’s always easy to ask people about what they do, how long they have done it for, what got them into that field etc...

When talking on family (F) start by asking people about their children. What they do, what interests and activities they have etc... If they don’t have children ask, them about their family background. This is very easy if the person you are speaking to has an unusual name.

Recreation (R) opens up so many avenues for conversation; you can ask about what they would do for recreation if they had all the time and money that they needed, their favourite sport or activity, any ventures or fun goals they have planned for the future etc...

The M can be used in two ways. First Motivation; most people spend so much time thinking and talking about things that don’t work and things that depress them. You’ll be surprised by the answers that come from a simple question like, “what motivates you to do....?” If you are at an event, you can ask someone, “What would motivate you to take the next step or course?” Try it , ask yourself what motivates you and see what you come up with.

The alternative M is message. This is for people who are in business promoting a product or a service to someone. The message simply means that when you evaluate your conversation and feel that you know enough about the person you are speaking to, you can make an informed decision as to whether you want to tell them about the products or services you have to offer. You will know if your product or service can really help them by listening to the answers they give you. When using M for message it’s best to keep it until last.

F.O.R.M works well if the main reason you use it is to genuinely meet people and learn more about them. It makes you a great conversationalist, an excellent listener and a good problem solver. And the more problems you can solve the more valuable you become. We’ll talk about adding value to you in the Nov 08 edition of Titanium Thinking.

3. When I meet someone or join a group conversation, I just take over and talk too much, how can I stop doing this?

The fact that you already know this is great. It’s so hard to change a bad habit that you don’t recognise. If you are unsure if you talk too much in a conversation do this: next time you are in a conversation listen very carefully, who is doing most of the talking? Is it you? If it is, stop and even things out by asking a question.

Speaking all the time does not put you in charge of the conversation, when you do that you have no idea what anyone else is thinking. This makes it difficult to determine whether you have a product or service to benefit them as you know nothing about them. By all means talk, but don’t hog the conversation. Many people learn this skill and then go out trying not to speak at all, if someone asks them a question they give a mono-syllabic answer and then fire back, what about you? Take your time, be natural and if you get stuck for a question simply ask the other person their opinion on something, which always makes someone feel important.

Quick tip: If you ask somebody’s opinion on something you said, be prepared to accept their answer without getting into a full blown debate. Opinions are like bums, everybody has one and they are all different, including yours.

4. I was part of a group with one person hogging all of the conversation and I couldn’t find out about the other people, what should I do in this situation?

This is where skill and tack comes into play. Firstly remember the rule of conversation; whoever is asking the questions is in charge. That’s why interviewers ask more questions than interviewees. If you find yourself in such a situation the easiest way to stop someone hogging the conversation is to become the host of the conversation. You simply do this by being the one to ask the most questions.

You can start by saying to someone else “What are your thoughts on that?” When they answer, acknowledge the answer, decide if you need more information from them, if you don’t ask someone else in the group for their thoughts ideas or opinions. You’ll find that people will enjoy a conversation much more when they can participate and they appreciate you for making that possible.

5. Conclusion

A powerful skill to develop when meeting new people is remembering names. If you just said to yourself “I’m no good at remembering names” or words to that effect, I agree with you. Remember, energy flows where your focus goes and what you tell yourself and focus on is what you will get.

If however, you want to change that, then join us at our next Team Titanium Event. Learn how to boost your business and increase your potential for success by following a few simple steps and learning how to remember names. We are so confident that you will immediately increase your skills in remembering names that we will refund your money if you are not satisfied. Book your place now.

Meeting new people, building conversations and rapport does not come naturally for everyone. It takes effort and practice. The benefits of building these skill means that you can make the most of the people you meet, whether it is for business, pleasure or both. The exciting part of meeting new people is that you never know where or who they’re going to lead you to, as you continue your journey to success.

Stay positive, stay focused and live your dreams.

Anthony Charles.